A Room with a Review: Raw 03/02/20

Raw is in Brooklyn, so you know the crowd is going to be hot. That may also translate into them chanting for a woman to be RKOed, but that’s to be expected.

• Raw starts off with Brock Lesnar, because he probably has a plane to catch. Paul Heyman calls Drew McIntyre a hyped-up sham. Heyman also calls him a swear word, which I will not repeat here in this classy recap column. The Scottish Psychopath heads to the ring and nails Lesnar with a Claymore, then calmly walks to the back. The crowd gives Brock a “you deserve it” chant and sings the “na na, hey hey, goodbye” song that Vince loves so much. He and Heyman make their way up the ramp, only to be met with another Claymore, as McIntyre rushes out from the back. The crowd chants “one more time” and Drew obliges. 

• The first match of the night is the Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford) vs the Monday Night Pariah and Murph the Smurf. I’m sorry. That’s what the Profits call them. It’s the Monday Night Messiah Seth Rollins and Murphy, accompanied by AOP (Akam and Rezar). This is announced as the final Tag Team Championship opportunity for the Street Profits; if they lose, no more shots at the belts. The champs try to get an early advantage, but the Street Profits clear the ring. Ford goes for a tope con hiro, but Rollins and Murphy catch him and throw him into the barricade. Dawkins is forced to go it alone through the commercial break. Ford finally recovers and gets the hot tag. He hits a springboard crossbody on the champs, but Rollins is able to disrupt Ford when he goes to the top rope, following it with a sling blade. Rollins tries to distract the ref long enough for AOP to interfere, but he catches them and ejects AOP. While the heels are arguing with the ref, Kevin Owens slides in the ring and hits Seth with a stunner. Dawkins decleats Murphy on the outside and Ford hits a frog splash, pinning Rollins. The Street Profits are your new Raw tag team champions!

• After a commercial break, Charly Caruso catches up with Rollins and Murphy. Seth says that they will get their rematch at Elimination Chamber. Oh yeah, they should probably start making matches for that, since it is on Sunday.

• Next up is Ricochet vs Riddick Moss for the 24/7 Championship. I gotta say that I’m kind of surprised to see Moss on Raw, especially as a champion. I saw him in May 2015 at my first live NXT show and I figured he would just be an NXT jobber who would eventually get cut during one of the annual “spring cleanings”. They manage to sneak in a commercial and Moss has officially spent more time in this match than all of his other Raw appearances combined. Ricochet must have pissed somebody off as he jobs clean to Moss. This is after Lesnar squashed him at Saudi Blood Money 2020 last week.

• AJ Styles heads to the ring, accompanied by Gallows and Anderson. They show footage of the Undertaker appearing at the same event and beating Styles without even taking off his hat. Back to Raw, AJ brings up some dumb video with Mark Wahlberg (which is not so subtly an ad for his new Netflix movie) where he tells Styles to just walk away from any potential fight with the Undertaker. AJ ignores his advice and says he will make an example out of his opponent, Aleister Black, as a warning to Taker. Styles says that Black didn’t read the contract because he will have to go through Karl Anderson first before getting a match with AJ. Black pins Anderson after a Black Mass. Before the next match starts, AJ says that Aleister also has to go through Luke Gallows. Gallows gets the jump on Black before the bell rings and eventually, Aleister wins by DQ because Gallows won’t stop beating on him in the corner. Black can barely stand when his match with AJ starts. Styles toys with him until Black kicks him in the face. AJ gets aggressive and finishes off Aleister with the Phenomenal forearm, doing the Undertaker pin in the process. 

• Backstage, Charly is with Ruby Riott, reviewing what has transpired between her and Liv Morgan since she returned. The two have a match next, with Sarah Logan as the special guest referee. I’m intrigued by the idea of the wild one of the group being the one keeping the peace. This match is slow, probably because of some combination of Ruby’s ring rust and Liv’s inexperience. Ruby and Sarah get into it and Sarah utilizes a fast count to give Morgan the win. Logan then kicks Liv’s head off of her shoulders.

• They show us a recap video of what transpired between Edge and Randy Orton, promoting Beth Phoenix’s appearance later on.

• No Way Jose and the conga line are dancing backstage when they come across Erick Rowan. Jose asks to see what’s inside the cage and Rowan says that he’s been waiting for someone to ask nicely. He opens up the cage and brings out an oversized, animatronic tarantula that he probably got for 90% off at Spirit right after Halloween. 

• Following a commercial is Kairi Sane w/ Asuka vs Shayna Baszler. Asuka says that Shayna is lucky that she got injured. Kairi says that she’s got this. Baszler hits an Arn Anderson-style spinebuster before stomping repeatedly on Sane’s leg. Backy Lynch’s music hits and she comes out to the top of the ramp. She joins the commentary booth during the commercial break. Kairi goes for the InSane elbow but Baszler gets her feet up. Shayna gets the win with the Kirafuda Clutch. 

• Backstage, Sara Schreiber is with Rey Mysterio and Humberto Carillo, getting a comment before their tag match against Andrade w/ Zelina Vega and Angel Garza. As expected, there’s lots of flippy stuff and Garza getting pecks on the cheek by ladies at ringside. $5 they call him the Latin Lothario at some point. Andrade gets busted open during a hot tag spot with Rey Rey. Mysterio hits a double 619 and Carrillo pins Andrade after a moonsault. 

• Our final segment of the night is Beth Phoenix’s update on Edge. Before she can even finish a sentence, Randy Orton’s music hits and the Viper slithers down to the ring. Orton gets in the ring and opens his arms for a hug. He then offers his hand, but Beth refuses to shake it. Randy talks about how a chance encounter with Edge backstage when he was younger motivated him to succeed in wrestling. Orton blames Beth for what he did to Edge. He says she enabled him to come back to the ring and risk his life. Randy says he had to take Edge out because he loves him and his family and doesn’t want to see them ruined. Beth slaps the snot out Randy and kicks him in the gut, but Orton responds with an RKO. 

Raw looks to be back on track, though I’m not sure what is going on with Ricochet. Orton delivered the promo of his career and Beth took the RKO perfectly. What did you think of the show? Let me know in the comment section below.

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