A Room with a Review: Raw 03/09/20

Time to promote WrestleMania whole hog. Shill, superstars, shill!

• Raw starts with The Man, Becky Lynch. She will be facing Shayna Baszler at WrestleMania, who nerfed all five of her opponents in the Elimination Chamber. Becky does a great job of putting Shayna over while simultaneously running her down; it’s a lost art. Lynch says that Baszler is underestimating her and she’s going to smash Shayna’s face for it. 

• The first match of the night is between Rey Mysterio and Angel Garza w/ Zelina Vega. I think Garza taking off his pants mid-match will probably be the highlight of this show. I’m still disappointed that the Mexican wrestlers are only allowed to face each other ( or so it seems), but these two can put on a great match anytime. This one’s no exception as Rey Rey gets the victory. 

• They play some footage of Kevin Owens arriving at the arena and being greeted by Seth Rollins and his crew. Things go about as well as you would expect for KO, as he’s left with assorted equipment stacked on top of him. 

• Charlotte Flair comes out to the ring in a dangerously short dress for this era. She responds to Rhea Ripley’s promo package by saying there is only one Charlotte. Cue Rhea’s music. Ripley gets dismissed by Charlotte, so she knocks The Queen on her ass before heading to the back. 

• After the commercial break, it’s Bobby Lashley vs Zack Ryder w/ Curt Hawkins. Ryder is already in the ring, so this should be quick. Lashley wins in about 90 seconds with the Dominator. 

• Aleister Black is in his dark room, dressed in a suit. He’s about to pontificate when there’s a knock on his door. Enter Seth Rollins and Murphy. They offer to help Black with his lack of numbers against The OC, but Black declines. Rollins says that if Aleister isn’t with them, then he’s against them. Black says those sound like fighting words. 

• Next up is Erick Rowan against Drew McIntyre. After incapacitating Rowan, McIntyre takes the cage holding the totally not fake spider and smooshes it with the ring steps. Um, isn’t he supposed to be a babyface? Drew beats Erick with a Claymore. 

• Next up is the Kabuki Warriors (Asuka and Kairi Sane) vs Natalya and Liv Morgan. Of course, Jerry Lawler’s instinct when seeing the Japanese wrestlers is to scream konichiwa. During the match, Ruby Riott heads down the ramp and stops halfway to watch. Five minutes later, Sarah Logan does the same. She and Ruby start fighting until Liv hits both them with a crossbody from the top rope. This leaves Nattie alone to get pinned by Asuka after getting her head kicked in.

• Back from the commercial and The OC is in the ring. AJ Styles is griping about the recent interference by the Undertaker in his matches. AJ officially challenges Taker to a match at WrestleMania. He uses Taker’s shoot name! He even invokes Undertaker’s wife, Michelle McCool! AJ says he’s going to take his soul. 

• Backstage, Charly Caruso tries to get a word from Randy Orton, but he no-sells it like Goldberg does to anyone’s offense. 

• Next up is a 24/7 Championship match between Riddick Moss and Cedric Alexander. This title doesn’t mean anything if it’s only going to be defended in regular matches. Anyway, Moss wins quickly as this title has quickly become the “job out talented black wrestlers” title (see last week). 

• We come back from a commercial to find MVP mid-promo. He’s going to build a stable and he says that he’s starting with Edge. As if by sheer luck, Old Man Edge arrives backstage and heads to the ring. He takes the mic from MVP and demands that Randy Orton come to the ring. MVP annoys Edge until Edge spears him. Orton takes that opportunity to strike, but Edge turns the tables by hitting an RKO. He grabs some chairs from outside, but the Viper slithers away. Edge takes out his frustrations on MVP, first by hitting an RKO on a chair, then hitting him with two Conchairtos. 

• Next we get a Lesnar promo package narrated by Paul Heyman. WWE still does these better than anyone else. 

• Backstage, Charly lets Edge know that Randy Orton has left the arena. Edge seethes.

• Heading to the ring for our main event is the Monday Night Messiah Seth Rollins w/ Murphy. He will be facing Aleister Black, though I have a feeling this will turn into a tag match somehow. It goes ten minutes before Rollins gets disqualified after Murphy gets involved. AOP joins in the beat down, but the Viking Raiders and Street Profits come to the rescue. Aleister Black is promptly forgotten as an 8-man tag is made without him. Rollins secures the victory after hitting the stomp on Montez Ford. Kevin Owens finally comes out and throws some stunners, but eventually gets stomped multiple times by Seth. 

Another meh episode of Raw. They were really hitting on all cylinders the first two months of the year, so hopefully, they can right the (pirate) ship in time for WrestleMania.

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