A Room with a Review: Raw 06/01/20

It’s Monday Night Raw, the “Hey, at least we aren’t doing a DUI gimmick” edition.

• The Monday Night Messiah is starting the show off with a retirement ceremony in honor of Rey Mysterio, who is set to make an announcement later tonight. Seth thinks that Rey Rey won’t have the strength to make the announcement himself, so he’s going to help Mysterio out here. Seth has a short video package featuring the highlights of Mysterio’s career, ending with the moment a few weeks ago when Seth nearly put Rey Rey’s eye out. Aleister Black, who is scheduled to face Rollins, has heard enough and races to the ring. Seth takes a powder and we get a commercial.

• It’s Aleister Black vs Seth Rollins w/ Murphy and Plain Vanilla-ass Austin Theory. Seth controls the early part of the match and throws Black out of the ring. When it looks like Murphy and PVaAT are going to pounce, out comes Humberto Carillo to not quite even up the sides. Rollins goes up to the top rope one too many times and gets caught with a jumping knee to the face. After attempted interference by the Disciples, Aleister picks up the victory with a roll-up. After the match, Rollins hits both Carillo and Black with a Stomp to get his heat back. 

• Speaking of heat, Charly Caruso is backstage with the ever-flirty Angel Garza and Zelina Vega. Charly questions Garza’s methods during his win against Kevin Owens last week, but Garza turns on the charm, even presenting Charly with a flower (which Vega destroys once Angel walks away).

• MVP and Lana are arguing backstage about who loves Bobby Lashley more or something. It ends with Lana slapping him. I’m only including this because I have a feeling it’s going to factor in to the show later on. 

• Next is a full recap of what happened literally an hour ago. Like, you guys couldn’t have sent out Cedric Alexander and Akira Tozawa for five minutes?

• Kayla Braxton is in the ring and she welcomes the new United States Champion, Apollo Crews. Apollo is here to be a fighting champion and he wants to give Kevin Owens the first shot at the belt. KO says that he feels bad because he’s going to end Apollo’s reign real quick like. They have a spot that makes it look like KO hit a low blow, but Crews was playing possum. Eventually the match is thrown out after Garza and Andrade come to the ring and take out Owens and Crews. 

• After a commercial break, we’ve got us a tag team match. It’s Owens and Crews vs Garza and Andrade w/ Vega. Garza hits a cheap shot on KO’s bad leg, but Apollo is still able to get the win after pinning Andrade.

• Kayla is backstage with Asuka. Let’s just sit back and enjoy Asuka.

• Time for bowling with the Viking Raiders and the Street Profits. The best part is how they somehow manage to make Montez Ford look unathletic. The Raiders nearly get ejected when Ivar steals a couple of turkey legs from the snack bar. Halfway through the game it turns into blacklight bowling and the Profits come from behind to take the lead, but the Vikings eke out a victory by one pin. The teams are now tied at two, so it looks like we get a rubber match next week.

• Next up is Nikki Cross w/ Alexa Bliss against Billie Kay w/ Peyton Royce. This was a nice back and forth match with Kay getting the win after a sit-out uranage. 

• Live via satellite, it’s Rey Mysterio! Samoa Joe puts it right out there and asks Rey Rey if he’s retiring. Mysterio doesn’t know if he is or if he’ll ever be medically cleared. His son, Dominik, says somebody from the family needs to take out Seth Rollins. Dom says it’s an eye for an eye. Oh boy, Dom is gonna bump so good for Seth.

• Nia Jax heads to the ring to whine and complain about the Kabuki Warriors. 

• Earlier today in Foxboro, MA, R-Truth regained his 24/7, 7-11, I-95 South Championship from Rob Gronkowski. Now let’s never speak of this again. (Note: after writing this, Gronk was given his release).

• Next is Nia Jax vs Kairi Sane. I don’t know what Kairi did to earn this punishment. Nia wins after a leg drop (and a botched stair spot where Kairi ended up with a huge cut on her face) and looks to do more damage, but Asuka runs out and stares Jax down until she leaves the ring. 

• Randy Orton is backstage and finally replying to Edge’s promo from last week. He too is able to plug the WWE Network and the Last Ride documentary. Orton says that he has always been better, even though he puts out minimal effort. He’s definitely right about the minimal effort part.

• It’s champion vs champion as NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte Flair faces off with the Raw Women’s Champion, Asuka. No surprise but these two had a great match, up until Nia Jax comes out imitating Asuka, distracting the Empress of Tomorrow long enough for her to get counted out. 

• Main event time. It’s MVP w/ Bobby Lashley vs WWE Champion, Drew McIntyre. There are only three minutes left, so I’m not expecting a lot. And just as I suspected earlier, Lana heads ringside before the match even starts. Drew wins easily with the Claymore, but Lashley jumps in the ring and puts McIntyre in a full nelson, as Raw goes off the air. 

A meh episode, with way too much Nia Jax. What do you think they could have done differently? Let me know in the comment section below.

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