A Room with a Review: Raw 08/10/20

Ah, WWE Monday Night Raw: come for the young man caning, stay for the old man punting. Also featuring a 75-year-old man’s idea of Antifa.

• The show is starting off with the ever-riveting contract signing. Samoa Joe is hosting, and he is joined by Seth Rollins w/ Murphy and Dominik Mysterio w/ kendo stick. Joe thinks Seth got upset when some fans booed him, and now he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Dom says that everything Seth is doing is for himself. Rollins says Dom can bring his kendo stick and whatever else he wants to their match at SummerSlam. 

• The first match of the evening is Rollins w/ Murphy vs. Humberto Carrillo w/ Dom Mysterio. Rollins picks up the win with the Stomp. Murphy jumps Dom and throws him in the ring, but he breaks free and takes down Seth. Murphy helps them regain control and Seth uses the kendo stick on Mysterio multiple times. The kid is paying all of his dues in one night. They tie Dom up in the ropes and Murphy grabs his own kendo stick. They continue to use Dominik as batting practice and not a single person comes to help. 

• Next up is Andrade w/ Zelina Vega and Angel Garza against Angelo Dawkins, who is by himself. The power drops out for a moment, just like last week. Zelina distracts the ref while Dawkins goes for the pin, but Bianca Belair runs down and pulls Vega off the ring apron. Angelo hits the Cash Out for the win. 

• After a commercial break, it’s Vega vs. Belair. I’m so glad that these two are finally getting some TV time, though Bianca really should have squashed her. Belair eventually gets the win after the K.O.D. Charly gets in the ring and asks for an update on Montez Ford. Dawkins says Tez won’t miss the biggest party of the summer. 

• MVP, along with Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin, is here with a new edition of the VIP Lounge. Porter is blaming the flickering lights as the reason he lost to Apollo Crews. The United States Champion heads to the ring so he can laugh at MVP, who says Crews made a mistake coming out here alone. Apollo gets in the ring as the Hurt Business slide out, so he picks up a couch and throws it at them. 

• Following a commercial, it’s Apollo Crews vs. Shelton Benjamin w/ MVP and Lashley. Benjamin gets the win with a roll-up after a distraction by the Hurt Business. 

• Outside, Retribution throw cinderblocks through a glass door and run away. These are the most Keystone Kop anarchists I’ve ever seen. 

• Sarah Schreiber is backstage, and she welcomes back Mickie James! I guess since Nick Aldis isn’t working, somebody had to make some money. They are interrupted by Lana and Natalya, who Lana calls the Best Of All Time, #BOAT. 

• Ivar is chatting with a blonde lady (maybe the Bachelorette from last week) when Erik, Ricochet, and Cedric (aka team C-Block) interrupt because they have a match. And it’s next!

• Next up, it’s those guys against Tozawa and his ninjas. Tozawa and one of the ninjas walk away before the ninjas get squashed. While they are walking up the ramp, a referee comes out, and the ninja pins Tozawa for the 24/7 Championship! The ninja removes his mask, and it’s R-Truth, who runs away with the belt. 

• Charly is backstage with Drew McIntyre. 

• Up next is Liv Morgan w/ Ruby Riott against Peyton Royce w/ Billie Kay. Royce picks up a quick win with the Deja Vu. 

• After a commercial break, it’s the return of Raw Underground. Riddick Moss and Cal Bloom fight outside the rope-less ring because anything goes, as Shane McMahon reminds us. Moss even goes for Bloom’s eye, which allows him to hit a gut-shot and get the win.

• Time for Asuka vs. Bayley Dos Straps w/ 2 Beltz Banks. If Asuka wins, she will face Sasha at SummerSlam for the Raw Women’s Championship. Even with distractions by Banks, Asuka wins cleanly with the Asuka Lock. 

• Back to the Underground, and it’s Arturo Ruas against a Performance Center guy. Ruas picks up a win with a Capoeira kick. 

• One commercial break later and Dabba-Kato destroys another jobber, including a vicious nard grab. Shayna Baszler gets in the ring and chases Kato off. Shayna grabs a woman from the crowd and starts wailing on her. She ends up fighting three women at once, winning easily. 

• Outside, Retribution has flipped a car and is celebrating before running away. I’m expecting a “whoop, whoop, whoop” at some point.

• I think it’s main event time as Kevin Owens faces Randy Orton w/ Ric Flair. Owens hits Orton with some chops right in front of Flair, even throwing in a “WOOOOO!” for good measure. Randy gets the win, though, with an RKO. After the match, Randy grabs a mic and says that he has every right to be mad at Flair because this match only happened because of Ric’s ego. He says he can’t be mad at Ric Flair, but he doesn’t love or respect Flair anymore. Orton says Flair is a liability and is a decrepit old man. Flair takes the mic and says that he’s not the same guy that he was 20 years ago. But he still wants Orton to break his championship record. Orton hugs Ric but then hits him with a low blow. Just as he hits Flair with a punt, the lights go out so we don’t have to see him murder a 71-year-old on live TV. Drew McIntyre chases Orton off while doctors and refs tend to Ric. 

There were some crazy moments in this show. I think Dominik Mysterio has a job for life after that performance. And we all knew that Randy would turn on Ric at some point, and I think they handled it as safely as they could.

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