A Room with a Review: Raw 1/20/20

Kansas is the site of the final Raw before Royal Rumble. Pray we can get through the show without one Wizard of Oz reference by Jerry Lawler.

• Note: Apologies to those who depend on me for their wrestling updates. I didn’t get to watch SmackDown until Monday afternoon, so I skipped the recap last week. It’s okay, you didn’t miss much.

• Monday Night Raw starts off with the Monday Night Messiah and his, I don’t know, disciples, probably? Seth Rollins thanks Buddy Murphy for his help last week. They play a video package to refresh our memory, because seven days is way too long to remember anything. Seth says it’s time for everybody to make a decision about where they stand. Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe come out and say less talking, more fighting. Seth begs off and Joe calls him a “lawyered up asshat”. That’s a new one. Rollins says that if the two of them want to fight the four in his group, then let’s do this. Joe tells him that they aren’t alone. The Raw Tag Team champions, The Viking Raiders, are here and the four of them head to the ring and clean house.

• Next is a video package recapping the Mysterio/Andrade feud, ahead of tonight’s United States Championship Ladder Match, which happens after the commercial break.

• Backstage, Rollins and his, I don’t know, apostles(?) are stopped by Charly Caruso. Seth says that he and Buddy are going to challenge for the Raw Tag Team titles tonight. Totally terrific.

• Ladder match time! Rey Rey is already in the ring, having come down before the commercial, and here comes Andrade, looking like he sprung fully-formed from Leoncavallo’s head. Mysterio hits an early top-rope hurricanrana and the back of Andrade’s head hits a ladder. This sends us to commercial.

• Andrade hits Three Amigos, with the last suplex dropping Mysterio onto a ladder. Andrade follows this by setting up a ladder bridge and power bombing Rey onto it. After another commercial, it appears that Andrade has set up a second ladder bridge. Rey and Andrade start fighting at the top of the big ladder and Rey hits a rough-looking sunset flip bomb onto one of the ladders. He hits the 619 and starts to slowly climb the ladder. Mysterio grabs the rig that holds the belt and Andrade moves the ladder. They botch a hurricanrana spot and Mysterio throws Andrade out of the ring. Rey starts to climb again, but Zelina Vega makes it to the top first, distracting Rey long enough for Andrade to recover and hit the hammerlock DDT onto the other ladder. Andrade climbs the ladder and retains the US title. Vega rips up the protective padding on the outside so Andrade can do the same move outside on the concrete, but he gets stopped by a fan in a Rey Mysterio mask. He pulls off the mask and it’s Humberto Carillo! Carillo fights off Andrade and tends to Rey Rey.

• Time for the Martin Luther King, Jr. video package, Vince McMahon’s annual attempt at convincing us he’s not racist. 

• Next up is Aleister Black, continuing the MLK Day theme. The local talent runs at Black, who responds with Black Mass and a pinfall victory. Jerry Lawler says that had to take less than three seconds, apparently forgetting how wrestling works.

• Brock Lesnar continues his streak of appearing on every Raw of the new year. Between that and the XFL debuting in a couple of weeks, I think Vince is in some sort of Brewster’s Millions situation. Heyman says we take what Brock does for granted. He then explains how the Royal Rumble works, presumably for Lawler’s benefit. Heyman says no one in the locker room is man enough to take on Brock. Ricochet comes out and says he’s not afraid. I guess it’s time for the white guy to beat up a black guy, another MLK Day tradition. Lesnar kicks Ricochet in the nards and leaves the ring.

• Charly asks Randy Orton about his opponent tonight, Drew McIntyre. Surprisingly, Randy actually knows who he is.

• After the commercial, we get Randy vs. Drew. While fighting on the outside, Drew hits a member of the production crew with a Claymore kick. After Orton hits McIntyre with a superplex, The OC comes down and lays waste to Drew. Randy makes the save with a steel chair and I guess Drew is a face now? Of course, Randy can’t help himself and hits McIntyre with an RKO. McIntyre gets a microphone and wheezes his way through a post-match promo. He says that he hopes they face off again in the Royal Rumble and that he is going to become WWE champion.

• Backstage, Charly is interviewing Charlotte Flair about how confident she is for her chances in the Rumble. Becky casually strolls by and Charlotte reminds us that last year she was eliminated by someone who wasn’t supposed to be in the match, hint hint.

• Up next is Becky Lynch vs. Kairi Sane w/ Asuka. Asuka distracts Becky and Kairi takes out her leg with a chop block. Asuka decides to watch the match by sitting on top of the ring post, which the referee allows because why not? Becky knocks her to the outside and gets the win with the Disarmher, but Asuka recovers and immediately hits her with a shining wizard.

• After a commercial, we get a wonderful video package covering the career of the recently deceased WWE Hall of Famer, Rocky Johnson. RIP, Soul Man.

• It’s time for the Raw Tag Team championship match. The Viking Raiders (Erik and Ivar) w/ Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins and Buddy Murphy w/ AOP (Akam and Rezar). Joe and KO start brawling on the outside and head through the crowd, straight into a commercial break. 

• AOP and Joe and KO were ejected during the break. The Raiders hit the Viking Experience on Buddy Murphy, but Seth is able to break up the pin. Rollins commits legitimate murder by pushing Ivar off the top rope to the floor and stomping Erik’s face onto the ring apron. Murphy pins Erik and we have new tag team champions! I don’t know why people think that the tag division is a joke, just because WWE puts the titles on two singles wrestlers who are teaming up for the first time.

• It’s time for the Monday After Weekend Update with Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford. It’s kind of hokey, but at least it mixes up their usual Greek chorus bit. 

• It’s Matt Hardy vs. Erick Rowan. Oh, Matt is definitely not re-signing with WWE. They’re putting him in a role that has been filled by jobbers for the past two months. Rowan reaches into the cage and gets bitten for the second week in a row. He responds by slamming the cage against the ring steps before finishing off Hardy with the Iron Claw slam. 

• Next is a video package leading up to our main event of *checks notes* Lana and Bobby Lashley vs. Liv Morgan and Rusev in a mixed tag match. Why not? It’s not like they had a US title ladder match or Raw Tag Team Championship match on the show or anything. 

• Sarah Schreiber is interviewing Joe and KO and they both declare for the Rumble. 

• Charly interviews the new 24/7 champion, Mojo Rawley. The Singh Brothers try to win the belt but he whoops them handily. I want them to form a team called the Rawleywood Boys.

• Lana and Lashley come to the ring and she is dressed in golden Victorian pajamas. They let her talk on the mic and I have to lower the volume on my TV. This leads to a commercial with only 10 minutes left in the show. That’s a good sign, right?

• We start with Lana against Liv. Lana is doing surprisingly well. She’s bumping great for Liv. The men get tagged in and Bobby almost hits Lana, who was trying to distract Rusev. After Liv hits Lashley with an enziguri, Lana grabs Rusev’s leg to prevent him from capitalizing. Lashley hits a spear to give his team the victory. 

• Raw was pretty good, but maybe not as good as it’s been, especially since it’s the go-home Raw for the Royal Rumble. I guess they’ll leave the final minute, full ring melee for SmackDown. What was your favorite part of the show? Let me know in the comment section below.

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