A Room with a Review: Raw 1/6/20

It’s the honeymoon edition of Monday Night Raw, coming to us from scenic Oklahoma City, OK. Do you like commercials? Then you’re in the right place.

• Previously on As The Raw Turns: There was a wedding. Lots of stuff happened. Please don’t make me recap it all again.

• Here comes the pain! Brock Lesnar is here and starting the show, so he must have a plane to catch in 30 minutes. Heyman says that Brock doesn’t think that there is anybody on the current WWE roster that can share his spotlight. So what stunt casting will this lead to? The answer is, apparently, that Brock is going to enter the Rumble and enter at #1.

• Backstage, Rey Mysterio is talking to the camera, but they forgot to turn on his mic. The United States title is on the line after this commercial break.

• United States championship match: Rey Mysterio vs. Andrade (c) w/ Zelina Vega. Andrade is still dressed like some sort of Dragonball Z Pagliacci. The match quickly moves outside the ring and Rey Rey sends Andrade face-first into the steel ring steps. I hope someone is keeping Charlotte away from the backstage monitors. The action returns to the ring just in time for another commercial break.

• Back from commercial directly into some great action between Rey and Andrade. They pull a Dusty Finish with Rey pinning Andrade for a three count, but Vega had put his foot on the rope. Senior referee John Cone sees the foot on the rope and waves off his three-count, which leads to so much confusion that we need to take our third commercial break in the first half-hour of the show.

• They have restarted the title match. SurprisedPikachu.jpg. Mysterio sunset flips Andrade into the digital ring post. I wonder if it hurts more or less than the steel ring post. Rey jumps from the ring apron to Andrade’s shoulders, but Andrade throws him onto Zelina Vega. In all of the confusion, Andrade hits the hammerlock DDT to retain his US title. He then rips off Rey’s mask, the ultimate sign of disrespect in Lucha culture, as we are reminded by the commentators.

• We get a recap of Samoa Joe’s return last week. Charly Caruso is backstage with Kevin Owens and Joe. KO says that the enemy of my enemy is my friend and they have each others backs against Seth and AOP. Joe challenges them to a three-on-three match and says he has a guy, which is a surprise to Owens.

• Another commercial break later and Charly stops Seth and AOP backstage. Seth says he didn’t ask to be the Messiah of Monday Night, the WWE Universe did. He’s quite complex.

• Next is a triple threat tag team match for the Raw tag titles. First out is the Street Profits (Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins), who cut a path through the WWE Universe on their way to the ring. Jerry Lawler says he doesn’t get the Street Profits. Oh, Jerry, we know. Next out is The OC (Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson w/ AJ Styles). They look mad, but I bet they’re just sad that they weren’t part of Wrestle Kingdom. Finally, it’s the champions, The Viking Raiders (Erik and Ivar). The Raiders and I go way back. Now that the introductions are out of the way, let’s go to commercial!

• Montez Ford and Ivar show off their athleticism by performing dueling cartwheels. The OC is over it and they clobber both of them from behind, then drag Ivar over to the corner so Gallows can tag himself in. Looks like Montez gets to be Ricky Morton tonight. He finally makes a tag but to Erik instead of his own partner. Erik uses Ivar as a weapon and they hit Ford with the Viking Experience after he tagged himself back in. The OC breaks up the pin and we get another commercial. Seriously, I might start recapping those instead.

• We’re back with Erik vs. Luke Gallows. Dawkins gets the tag and starts throwing everybody around. Street Profits hit the D-Lo Special, but Anderson secretly tagged himself in. Ivar hits Anderson with a top rope splash to retain their titles. 

• Backstage, Charly asks Samoa Joe who the third man is. KO comes up and says he’d like to know, too. Joe says “How about I show you?” and they walk right into a commercial. 

• Apparently, they walked around the arena the whole commercial, as they finally get to a door that we aren’t allowed to see behind. I wonder who spends their Mondays waiting for a knock on their door?

• Becky Lynch comes to the ring wearing the top half of her Kill Bill cosplay. Becky presents a video package showing that she can’t seem to beat Asuka. The Empress of Tomorrow makes her way to the ring, with some choice words in Japanese for The Man. Becky takes her out with one punch and leaves the ring. I kind of hope Asuka wins, just so they can make Becky the underdog again, leading to some sort of stipulation rematch at WrestleMania.

• After another commercial, Mojo Rawley walks up to Erick Rowan backstage and asks if he can peek in his mystery pet’s cage. Rowan says sure and Mojo is freaked by what he saw. That reaction could only mean he saw the booking sheet that outlines the planned return of the Hype Bros. 

• Sara Schreiber is with Andrade and Zelina backstage. A mask-less Mysterio (who we only see from behind) whoops on Andrade and gets his mask back. 

• In the ring, KJ Orso is waiting for his 30 seconds with Erick Rowan. This kid makes James Ellsworth look like Braun Strowman. After the match, Rowan shoves the kid’s face into the cage. Orso screams and pulls away, his face covered in “blood”. 

• Backstage, Seth and AOP make thinky faces as they ponder the third man (or why they are going to another commercial). 

• AJ Styles is heading to the ring to face Akira Tozawa. I guess they remembered he was a wrestler and not just The OC’s valet. AJ hits the Phenomenal Forearm but picks Tozawa up before the three-count. He hits Randy Orton’s draping DDT, then does the Viper taunt before hitting an RKO. I’m sorry, Akira. You’re too good to be fodder for a Randy Orton feud.

• Oh great. Let’s play the wedding recap again. Lana and Lashley are heading to the ring and the officiant from the wedding is waiting for them (side note: just before they went to the last commercial, a guy in a suit rolled into the ring and got pounded on by security. Turns out, it was that guy!). Lana says that they are going to finish the wedding right now. They do and Lana says she doesn’t feel happy. Nobody does, girl, nobody does. They insult the crowd before Rusev finally saves us, via satellite. He is taking their honeymoon for them and has a present to give. It’s a special Lana and Bob wedding album, reminding us again of all of last week’s garbage, this time in still picture form. Lashley challenges Rusev to face him next week and Rusev says next week will be the return of the Bulgarian Brute. 

• Charlotte and her Flairs are walking backstage and, I’m guessing, toward the ring, after the commercial. 

• R-Truth is being interviewed by Charly, but gets interrupted by Liv Morgan, who says that being in Rusev’s corner next will be “a moment to Liv for”. Woof. Between this, Shorty G’s “Rise Over Size”, and Seth’s “Monday Night Messiah”, the catchphrase team must have been working overtime during the holidays.

• Liv’s old partner Sarah Logan is waiting in the ring for Charlotte. She jumps Flair and puts a beating on her before the bell even rings. They brawl into the crowd and Logan eventually rolls into the ring. She destroys Charlotte’s robe before heading back outside the ring. They keep fighting until Flair finally lays Sarah out with a big boot. John Cone stops the fighting and Charlotte walks away, donning the remnants of her robe as she goes. 

• Drew and his McIntyres are walking backstage and, I’m guessing, toward the ring, after the commercial. 

• No Way Jose and his conga line are already in and around the ring. McIntyre heads down and yeets one of the Rosebuds, er, I mean, one of Jose’s conga dancers. Drew pounds on Jose, goes out to beat on the line again, then comes back to Future Shock and Claymore kick No Way Jose. After the pin, he throws Jose onto the conga line. He asks Oklahoma if they want to see another Claymore, which they obviously do. Drew obliges, then announces his entry into the Royal Rumble. He is apparently doing a countdown gimmick before the Claymore now, which is meh, but he seems to be going for a solid tweener character, which we haven’t had a good version of in a while.

• Back from commercial and Shelton Benjamin is in the ring, waiting for Aleister Black to wake from his slumber. These guys have whatever the opposite of chemistry is. Black wins with the Black Mass and is immediately jumped by Buddy Murphy. I’m okay with these guys fighting for another month or two. Murphy uses a chair to get the upper hand outside the ring and sits cross-legged on the barricade while the refs see to Aleister. 

• Main Event time. AOP (Akam and Rezar) is first to the ring, followed by the Monday Night Messiah, Seth Rollins. Vic Joseph reminds us that Seth calls himself the Monday Night Messiah, to which King replies “The Monday Night Messiah, huh?”.  I wish they’d stop giving us such nuance and subtext. KO is first out for the good guys, followed by Joe. And the third man is? The Big Show! Now that is a legitimate surprise. Show starts the match and cleans house before the last(?) commercial break of the evening. 

• After some filler wrestling, Big Show has both members of AOP set up for chokeslams, but Seth hits him with a chair and the match is thrown out. Rollins goes to give Big Show the Stomp, but Owens grabs Seth’s leg and Show hits him with the WMD. WWE used up all of their overrun on the wedding last week, so Vic has to Micro Machine all of next week’s matches in the last 30 seconds. 

• I enjoyed the show again this week. WWE has been on a pretty good roll over the last few weeks, wedding angle excluded (though I will admit that Lana and Rusev’s commitment to giving 150% has made it entertaining enough to not completely vomit). This show, in particular, had a great balance of match importance by having two championship bouts, as well as a handful of squash matches to progress stories. What do you think of their recent run? Let me know in the comment section below.

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