A Room with a Review: SmackDown 05/29/20

After two good shows this week, WWE tries my patience with a drunk driving angle (using a known substance abuser) and four examples of good guys being crappy. Enjoy!

• The Performance Center is the site of a car accident and Renee Young is on the scene! A silver Camry is wrecked up on a curb and Elias is on a stretcher. The cops search the car and find an open liquor bottle and a rental agreement in the name of noted DUI collector, Jeff Hardy. The cops find an unconscious Hardy in the bushes behind a building and he doesn’t know what’s going on, but he smells like booze, so he is cuffed and thrown in the back of a cop car.

• After the commercial break, Scrap Iron Adam Pearce catches the locker room up and explains that it means that two competitors are missing from the Intercontinental Championship tournament. AJ Styles says that he and Daniel Bryan should get automatic berths to the finals. My boy D Bry right there wants to earn it, though, so Pearce says AJ can take his free pass, but there will be a battle royal to determine who will face Bryan in the main event tonight.

• It’s a 10-man battle royal and Baron Corbin dominates early, until Jey Uso superkicks him over the top rope. Shorty G eliminates Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura, but Cesaro sneaks back in and eliminates Shorty. Sheamus gets the win after eliminating Jey Uso.

• Backstage, Sonya Deville is telling us that she’s on a roll when it comes to taking out bleached blonde bimbos, and it’s not going to stop tonight. Her opponent, Lacey Evans, comes up from behind and pushes Deville to the ground. You know, like a single mother, former Marine role model should.

• Back from commercial and Shorty G is confronting Cesaro and Nakamura. Cesaro says that he’ll fight Shorty and Shorty responds with a cheap shot. Two segments in a row where the so-called “good guy” hits a cheap shot.

• Next is Sonya Deville vs Lacey Evans. It’s a fun little match that ends in a double-count out. They actually had pretty good chemistry together, which is rare when Evans is involved.

• It’s a backstage segment with the Forgotten Sons, here for your weekly dog whistle needs.

• Now it’s time for A Moment of Bliss. Alexa and Nikki’s guests are The New Day. Lots of tag team gold in that ring. Bayley and Sasha Banks interrupt. Alexa points out that Sasha is the only one in the ring without a belt. But apparently she has a half dozen nicknames, as listed by Bayley. One of those names is Alexa’s opponent, which comes as a surprise to Sasha. Alexa takes advantage of the confusion to hit Sasha with a dropkick. Just another babyface with a cheap shot.

• After a commercial break, it’s Sasha Banks vs Alexa Bliss with Nikki Cross and Bayley on commentary. Nikki is the Asuka of SmackDown and Bayley playing off of her is fantastic. Cross spends the match standing on the commentary table and foaming at the mouth, even protecting Michael Cole from a threat by Bayley. Sasha wins after Bayley pushes Nikki into Alexa, causing her to fall off the top rope and allowing a set of running knees from Banks. 

• Next up is Cesaro w/ Shinsuke Nakamura against Shorty G. Shorty gets off to a quick start until Cesaro cleans his clock with a clothesline. Shorty G gets the win after turning a power bomb attempt by Cesaro into a sunset flip. 

• In a segment recorded earlier today, Otis and Mandy Rose are enjoying a day by the pool. They do a Fast Times at Ridgemont High gimmick, with Otis in the Phoebe Cates role. Then lots of kissing. It was the best segment of the night. 

• Kurt Angle is backstage and says he’s glad to be back on SmackDown. He’s also excited to announce the newest SmackDown superstar, Matt Riddle! The Original Bro will be bringing his barefoot antics to Friday nights. 

• Sheamus tells Kayla Braxton that he’s going to take out Daniel Bryan. Bryan comes up and kicks him in the shin. Fourth cheap shot of the night from the “heroes”. 

• It’s main event time as Sheamus faces off with Daniel Bryan. Sheamus drags Bryan out to the commentary table and makes Michael Cole do the “Yes!” chant. He claims credit for creating the Yes movement after he beat Daniel at WrestleMania 28(?) in 18 seconds. Sheamus is ready to finish DB with a Brogue Kick, but Jeff Hardy heads to the ring, distracting him long enough for Bryan to hit the Knee Plus and pick up the victory. 

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