A Room with a Review: SmackDown 1/31/20

Posted: February 1, 2020/Under: Belts/By: Richard Phillips

Groundhog Day comes early as we get rematches from both last week’s SmackDown and the Royal Rumble. WWE knows they have more than a dozen wrestlers on their roster, right?

It’s Super SmackDown, in honor of the Big Game, so they start with the Big Dog, Roman Reigns. If you can’t actually call it the Super Bowl, why would you call it Super SmackDown? Anyway, Roman is joined by his cousins, Jimmy and Jey Uso. They are facing King Corbin and his cronies, Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode. No, you aren’t reading last week’s column. I really thought the blow-off for this was the Falls Count Anywhere match won by Roman. Corbin makes sure that everybody sees the dog food spot from last month one more time. This whole feud is basically dog food. Oh, God. They’ve added a stipulation that the losers of the match have to eat dog food. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Next up is a Fatal 4-Way match to determine a #1 contender to face the New Day for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship. It’s Heavy Machinery (Otis and Tucker) vs The Revival (Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson) vs Lucha House Party (Lince Dorado and Gran Metalik) vs. The Miz and John Morrison. How will Mandy Rose help or hurt Otis in this match? During the “Everybody Flies” segment of the match, Morrison does a crazy corkscrew press from the top rope onto Heavy Machinery. Not to be outdone, Gran Metalik does a hurricanrana to Dash Wilder onto a group on the outside. Otis hits the Caterpillar on both Miz and Morrison, but that’s not enough as Miz and Morrison win after hitting Scott Dawson with a combination of the Skullcrushing Finale and Starship Pain.

Heavy Machinery is lamenting their loss backstage when Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville walk up. Mandy thanks Otis for his help at the Royal Rumble. Tucker tells Otis that this is his best shot, so Otis asks Mandy out on a date for next Friday. Mandy says she has plans, but she’s free the following Friday. That’s Valentine’s Day, y’all!

Next is a video package recapping the strap match between The Fiend and Daniel Bryan, plus a WWE.com exclusive where Bryan talks about loving wrestling too much. It was pretty compelling, as my boy DBry right there always is.

After a commercial break, it’s a tag match between Bliss Cross Applesauce (Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross) and Fire and Desire (Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville). F&D jump Bliss Cross before the bell even rings. Remember, as much as we’re rooting for Otis and Mandy, don’t forget that she’s still a heel. I don’t trust her or Sonya. In the end, Alexa gets the pin on Mandy after Twisted Bliss (it’s still the Sparkle Splash to me, dammit).

Time for an Intercontinental Championship match. It’s Braun Strowman vs the champion, Shinsuke Nakamura, w/ Cesaro and El Presidente Sami Zayn. That’s four guys who should have held the WWE or Universal championship at some point. Instead, they’ve all been relegated to the midcard. During the match, Zayn removes a turnbuckle pad for Nakamura to smash Strowman’s head into. But, as expected, Braun reverses it and Shin gets knocked silly. Strowman hits a power slam and pins Nakamura to become the new Intercontinental Champion in less than five minutes. I’m happy for Braun but Shinsuke deserves much more.

After a commercial, the Midcard Mafia is backstage and Sami is livid over Shinsuke’s loss. He’s interrupted by the new girl (Elise, maybe?) and while he chastises her, a guitar starts playing (Elias, definitely). Busker Brown is in the ring and Sami tells him to put his stupid guitar down and shut up. Elias keeps playing, so Zayn sends Cesaro down to take care of business. Elias gets the upper hand and it looks like Cesaro hurt his left leg. He refuses help from the referees, but it doesn’t look like he can really put weight on it.

Following that is a rematch from the Royal Rumble, Sheamus vs Shorty G. Sheamus is at the top of the ramp doing his entrance when Shorty G nails him from behind while running to the ring. Another great example of how a good guy should act, according to WWE. Sheamus wins again after a Brogue Kick.

One commercial break later and we get street-clothes Bayley. She talks about how easily she beat Lacey Evans at the Royal Rumble. She says that she’s beaten everyone, so Charlotte is obviously going to choose her to face at WrestleMania. Bayley calls Charlotte out but gets Naomi instead. She’s wearing a GD light-up disco ball on her head! I’m really excited to have Naomi back. She tells Bayley that she hasn’t ever beaten her. Bayley sucker punches her, but Naomi ends up knocking her out of the ring.

Time for the Alpo Challenge, I mean, the main event, The Bloodline (Roman Reigns, Jimmy Uso, and Jey Uso) vs Corbin’s Court (King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, and Robert Roode). The heels isolate one of the Usos early, but Reigns is able to get the tag. Corbin nearly pins Roman twice, but the Big Dog sneaks in a schoolboy rollup for the win. Corbin tries to escape his fate, but the Usos pull out the same handcuffs that Corbin used before. They secure him to the ring post and dump an entire bowl of dog food on him. Wait. This is going to end in a Kennel from Hell match, isn’t it?

SmackDown’s quality lately seems to be inversely proportional to the quality of Raw. On the bright side, Naomi is back and looks great, Otis continues to be featured, and John Morrison keeps doing crazy flippy stuff. How do you think SmackDown has been? Let me know in the comment section below.

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