A Room with a Review: Week of 3/30/20

Hi everybody. You may have noticed that it’s been a little while since I posted a review. As the WWE has had to rethink how they are doing things, so have I. Each episode that they have been showing has been stripped down, so I didn’t think they warranted their own post. So I’m going to be combining my reviews into one weekly post for the time being, focusing more on the key points instead of in-match details. I hope you enjoy!

Raw 3/30/20

• We start with a recap of the AJ Styles/Undertaker story, followed by a backstage promo in a smoky room filled with the purple glow that only a college dorm room black light could manifest. 

• Next up is Becky Lynch, who introduces the replay of her Wrestlemania victory from last year. See you in 40 minutes!

• Exactly 40 minutes later (I’m not kidding), Becky is still at the top of the ramp. She cuts a promo on Shayna, who sneaks up from behind and attacks her.

• After the commercial break, Aleister Black takes out Local Talent #3 with a Black Mass.

• Time for six-man action. It’s the Street Profits and Kevin Owens against Seth Rollins, Angel Garza w/ Zelina Vega, and Plain Vanilla-Ass Austin Theory? Um, okay, I guess? KO gets the pin after hitting Garza with a stunner. Rollins nails Owens with a stomp as soon as the ref counts three.

• Owens is still in the ring and he cuts a fantastic promo on Rollins.

•  Next is a recap of the Randy Orton/Edge story, followed by a backstage Edge promo.

•  After a commercial, it’s Asuka vs Kayden Carter from NXT. A great opportunity for Carter, but she taps quickly to the Asuka lock.

• The show ends with a replay of Brock Lesnar against Rey Mysterio, followed by a promo by Paul Heyman, with Lesnar. 

NXT 4/1/20

• Leading off the show is the Velveteen Dream against Bobby Fish. Dream picks up a hard-fought win, then tells Adam Cole to get ready for him. 

• Backstage, we get the official introduction of Bivens Enterprises, as Malcolm Bivens presents his new team, Rinku and Saurav. 

• Next, we get the TV debut of Jake Atlas against the re-debuting Dexter Lumis. It’s like they decided to film one of the Florida circuit shows. Lumis wins via submission. 

• After the commercial break, it’s time for the six-woman, second-chance gauntlet match to fill the last spot for the #1 contenders ladder match (deep breath in). The first two participants are Shotzi Blackheart (sadly sans tank) and the Virtuosa Deonna Purrazzo. Blackheart pins Purrazzo after a top rope back senton splash. Her next opponent is Xia Li, who doesn’t get to do her awesome giant fan demonstration. Li taps out after a really cool butterfly submission. Next up is Aliyah. This really is a Florida circuit show. Once again Blackheart moves on after the butterfly submission. Kayden Carter comes out but quickly loses to Shotzi’s senton splash. Blackheart’s final opponent is Dakota Kai w/ Raquel Gonzalez. Kai gets the final pinfall after a combination of outside interference and a Go-To Kick. 

• Next up is Kushida vs Joaquin Wilde. Kushida wins with an armbar. 

• After a commercial, Wilde is being interviewed outside the Performance Center. Suddenly, an SUV speeds up and two men in luchador masks force Wilde to come with them, just like Raul Mendoza a few weeks ago. 

• It’s main event time. Keith Lee is defending his NXT North American championship against Damian Priest and Dominik Dijakovic. Prediction: hosses gonna hoss the shit out of each other. I’m not wrong and Lee retains after a Big Bang Catastrophe.

SmackDown 4/3/20

• In-ring co-promo between the Usos and the New Day. They get interrupted by Patient Zero Miz and John Morrison. It quickly turns into a brawl. 

• Next up is Naomi, who is facing Lacey Evans and Tamina in a triple threat match. Sasha Banks and Bayley are on commentary, so this definitely won’t turn into a clusterf***. Bayley and Sasha get involved (GASP!) and Tamina gets the win after a superkick to Naomi. 

• For tonight’s classic replay, we get Shawn Michaels vs Ric Flair at WrestleMania 24. I’m sorry, I love you. 

• Back to current action, it’s Tucker vs Dolph Ziggler. Dolph gets disqualified after hitting Tucker with a ZigZag on the ring steps. Mandy and Sonya and Otis all come out, but a bad knockoff Mr. Robot comes on the screen and shows us what really happened on Valentine’s Day. Sonya sent Otis the text from Mandy’s phone that caused him to show up late and allowed Dolph to swoop in. They were in cahoots, I tells ya!

• More wrestling you say? Why not! It’s Daniel Bryan w/ Drew Gulak against Shinsuke Nakamura w/ Cesaro and Sami Zayn, who will be on commentary. Shin gets disqualified when Cesaro interferes. Everybody fights afterward. 

• The main event is John Cena and a microphone, always an interesting battle. He buries Bray Wyatt, but is stopped by the Firefly Fun House puppets, who surround the ring. The Fiend appears on the Johnny Gargano Memorial Balcony, FFH Bray Wyatt pops up behind Cena, before disappearing when the lights go out. 

Are you hyped for a two-day, no-audience WrestleMania? Let me know in the comment section below.

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